Where are the Thank Yous and Thank You Notes?
by Carolyn Bond | Aug 24, 2022 | be a role model, kids and good manners, teaching kids good manners, thank you notes |
I recently heard of a grandmother who doesn’t sign her grandchildren’s birthday and Christmas cheques. “Why?”, you might ask, “Does she have dementia? Or Alzheimer’s?” Fortunately she is of sound mind but unfortunately she has grandchildren who accept gifts but never thank her. Not only were they “forgetting” to send thank you notes or emails or texts or IMs, they didn’t acknowledge gifts at all. By her not signing the cheque, they have to visit her and have her do the honours. This is the only way she is able to be in touch with them.
Do you find this shocking? I certainly do! I think it is a symptom of a current trend of moving away from valuing the extended family and focusing on one’s own busy life. The nuclear family, that is, Mom, Dad and the kids, are living a hectic life. Both parents are working at least one job, possibly more, and kids are in many activities where they have expensive equipment, lessons, out-of-town tournaments, and requirements to be driven and picked up by Mom or Dad. Parents are stressed by work and family pressures to the point where contact with grandparents or other extended family is considered bothersome and time-consuming. These family members eventually pass “out of mind” and are often forgotten. Unless they send a gift! If families are relocated away from their original family homes, it exacerbates the situation, for then family members are too far away for regular, or even occasional, visits. Relatives try to continue keeping in touch by sending birthday cards or gifts and holiday gifts. Often there is no response!
The internet is full of questions such as “Why don’t my grandkids thank me?” And “I chose a wedding gift for someone and have had no acknowledgement”. Another question I saw was “Where are young people’s manners these days?” If you wonder why your kids’ grandparents have stopped sending gifts to them, it could be that the gifters are tired of sending and not receiving any response. Hopefully your children when they become adults will know enough not only to thank someone on the spot, but send a written thank you with a comment saying how much they appreciate the gift or how it will be used.
How long does it take to send a quick email of thanks? Or an e-card? For a major gift like a wedding gift, a written note is obligatory! It doesn’t take long, if you’ve been taught to do so. Here’s the crunch: parents are not teaching their kids to be thankful, grateful and loving toward their extended family. Grandparents and family members need to feel valued. Grandparents have given their lives to raising present day parents and they don’t deserve to be shut out and left behind. What happened to the favourite aunt or uncle? These people enrich the lives of youngsters and their parents too if they’re allowed even a small amount of time for a phone call or a note.
When parents call their own parents for a few minutes regularly when the children are young, the kids learn to look forward to the contact with the older folks. Grandparents become a valued part of their lives. Talking to Grandma used to be a joyous occasion and now it can be done with FaceTime and become even more fun!
Helping children to write thank you notes needs to be put on the to-do list of every parent. Yes, it takes time, but it also creates one-on-one time with Mom or Dad, and a valuable link to extended family. Take the time to think how often you express gratitude in your daily life. Do you thank the store clerk or your doctor? Do you send a thank you note when you come home after dinner out at friends’? What we’re talking about here are good manners! Model good manners and your kids will be polite too. Kids are great copycats! Your family and friends will benefit too when your family treats them with respect by having their carefully chosen gifts acknowledged.
